A day of weddings

Weddings has always been a place of reunion. Weddings has been something I look forward to because I get to see my friends and their family. And of course to celebrate the groom & bride :)

On 4 January, I attended the wedding of Oma in the noon and Afnan at night. Since both are friends of mine since for more than 10 years, attending the weddings is top priority. So here I’m posting photos from the day, friends that became family.

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And to have friends capture photos of my baby girl is 100% hehe.

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Checking in.

Once in a few weeks, I have this feeling of not wanting to do anything. The only reason for me to get out of bed is my children.

Once in a few weeks, I just stared at the computer screen. Knowing I have tonnes of responsibilities to execute. But I felt nothing but just emptiness.

A friend of mine suggested I see a psychiatrist. I have been keeping the referral letter for about 3 weeks now, in my car. Not sure when to go to the hospital.

I snapped so very easily. Even my son noticed I’m changing. He said today, Mama you are so different now. It really made me cry inside.

For the sake of my kids, I’m going to the hospital tomorrow.

My children and books

Good habits begins at home.

I always make Aidan bring a book with him in the car. Mula2 memang dia membebel tak nak la apa la. In the end will open them and start reading.

Adik at the back was also reading and eventually fell asleep 😆

He was reading about Beluga whales. It’s status now is endangered. He was asking about what ‘status’ and ‘endangered’ means. Then our conversation extended into the ecosystem, balance, and the need to protect endangered animals.

I love our 10-15 minutes drive from home to UPM.

Tentang terima benda yang kau mungkin tak nak.

Bila kita cakap pasal ‘cukup’ & ‘syukur’ akan ada orang yg akan tambah ‘tapi’.

Ya benar, kita boleh nak dapatkan apa yang kita rasa kita selayaknya dapat.

Tapi kalau kau dah cuba beratus kali pun jawapan dia kau tak dapat apa kau nak, kena tukar mindset.

Aku pasti sebab tu kita sebagai Muslim diajar pasal something extra– tawakkal.

[ta.wak.kal] | توکل

Definisi : , = bertawakal berserah kpd Allah dan disertai usaha. (Kamus Pelajar Edisi Kedua).

Ada benda yg jadi di keliling kita ni, kita tak paham maksud dia. And some refuse to take it as qada’ & qadar.

Benda ni sesungguhnya ambik masa. Aku pun bukan tiba2 je boleh senang2 pikir ‘ala takpe benda lain lagi best nk datang’. Untuk yakin dan percaya memang ambik masa & perlukan hati & akal yang terbuka utk terima.

So kalau kau tak dapat apa kau nak, bertenang lah, sebab macam mana power kau merancang, Allah Taala lagi power dari kau & orang2 lain keliling kau.

Riang Ria Cuti Sekolah.

Aidan requested to go to Pusat Sains Negara these few months. So since it is the school holidays, and uncle can come along, so off we go. We spent a good 3 hours inside. He explored almost anything he can get his hands on.

And of course after absorbing all that knowledge & information, he got hungry. Good thing I packed snacks from home. A good tip to save money while outing is to BYO snacks.

And of course additional YouTube & Netflix videos on science stuff when we reach home. And plenty of questions on physics & chemistry

So maybe Petrosains next?

Roof of the atrium inside
Curious lights
A lot of people since it is the school holidays
Baby girl having a look

Meeting with Uncle Yusuff

And after all that, boy got hungry

Perbualan #18

*Ini bukan iklan produk

Bila kali terakhir korang makan ubat cacing?

Dulu masa diploma memang aku setia makan sbb setiap semester akan ada subjek ladang. Kena main tanah, tanam pokok etc.

Better safe than sorry orang putih kata.

7 tahun lepas habis diploma aku cadang nak makan ah. Pegi farmasi tanya pasal nak beli yang mana.

“Bila kali terakhir adik makan ubat cacing?”

“Ada la 7 tahun dulu”

“Eh tu bukan cacing tu, tu dah ular”

Punya la kelakar sampai hari ni aku ingat. Kelakar, memang kelakar pharmacist tu 😏

So. Korang bila lagi? Aku dah makan dah untuk tahun ni.

Perbualan #17

Aidan cerewet kalau makan. Dia makan benda samaaaa berulang kali. Dan sayur benda dia tak makan.

Nak belikan dia gummy multivitamin. Konon snack + nutritions 😆

“Mama I don’t want to eat gummy. It is not good for kids, you know”

“Ok Aidan”

He saw a video of a kid that ate too much gummy bears, and how it affects the kid’s digestion. So he will definitely say no to gummy.

So semalam ni aku belikan vitamin C pastilles.

“Mama I told you, I don’t eat gummy…”

“This is not gummy. This is pastilles. It is a different thing”

“OK Mama”

Yay Mama wins!

NowListening to: Keane


A Bad Dream by Keane

Why do I have to fly
Over every town up and down the line?
I’ll die in the clouds above
And you that I defend, I do not love

I wake up, it’s a bad dream
No one on my side
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired to be fighting
Guess I’m not the fighting kind

Where will I meet my fate?
Baby I’m a man, I was born to hate
And when will I meet my end?
In a better time you could be my friend

I wake up, it’s a bad dream
No one on my side
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired to be fighting
Guess I’m not the fighting kind
Wouldn’t mind it
If you were by my side
But you’re long gone
Yeah you’re long gone now

Where do we go?
I don’t even know
My strange old face
And I’m thinking about those days

Why this song you ask?

This song was in my YouTube Favourite playlist and it’s been a while it appeared while in shuffle mode. This song was my go-to song long ago when I felt so alone, so used and stuck in a toxic relationship.

I felt too tired to fight.

I guess it kinda relates to the state I’m in right now. I was a quick-mouthed girl years ago and would not tolerate bullshit, especially when its thrown right at my face. I am somewhat still that girl now, but I pick my fights. If it’s not worth my time, I just dust it off and move on.

You see, I am still doing my PhD. I did not finish on time (according to some HR people that say PhD can be easily done in 3 years). I hate giving excuses but it is what it is. Combination of poorly managed research programs and a bundle of unavoidable stuff stretched my PhD journey.

Oh well.

With the baby now, things are a bit more difficult as she needs so much attention.

Don’t get me wrong, I have NO REGRETS for having a baby in this critical time. I had Aidan while having to do my Master Viva Voce + corrections etc. I’m not saying Master and PhD is the same, its just means I can do this. It just takes a wee bit longer.

OK back to work.